Everyday is an Adventure. Embrace it

Posts tagged ‘Mother’

The Mother’s Day Thief

This Mother’s Day I really want to warn everyone about a thief running rapidly through families and obviously never satisfied with its heist. One that cannot be caught or stopped.  It snuck in so slowly, none of us noticed.  It was hidden in the normal aging process and we didn’t see it.  Shrouded in forgetfulness of the ordinary and cloaked by the everyday stresses that we thought clogged her mind.  The Alzheimer’s thief is slick, it’ll slide right by you and you don’t even see it coming.  Its cruel and unforgiving nature robs many special moments from the mind of the great.  It’s been around for a very long time, taking as it pleases and never giving back.

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It reduces the great person that was and steals their thoughts.  There is no sheriff to run it out of town nor warrant for its arrest.  There is no way to stop it!  It catches its victims off guard and like a parasite, leaches onto them and won’t let go.  It wraps its crusty hands around the mind of the unknowing gently at first – so it’s not noticeable.  Then over time, it tightens its grip until it has its grubby fingers in every crack and crevasse available.

An abomination… this disease is not satisfied with just daily forgetfulness. Oh no, it is the epitome of selfishness. It wants all memory, not just the daily or in-the-moment ones. It snatches them all until it has taken even the oldest and most dear.  It steals what we hold close to our hearts and leaves a breadcrumb of who the person once was.

I hate it.

I took my mother for granite for almost 30 years before suddenly, I understood her. We were finally able to share with each other and have conversations without argument. My heart gushed over with love for her and I began to confide in her more.  I began to trust her a way I never could as a child.  I finally understood her love for me and the reasons behind many of the things that she did.  I had to have children myself before I truly appreciated her and then suddenly – she is leaving me?  The horrible, selfish, hateful, nasty, unnecessary and under imagined disease it stealing my Momma and I feel like I just met her a few short years ago.

It’s not fair, but then….when is life fair?  I spent too much time wasted, not understanding her in this life.  I have violated my personal life motto: Everyday is an adventure. Embrace it.  I waited too long to embrace her and now she is leaving me…she is leaving daddy…she is leaving us all 😦   The last week I have spent in tears while my husband is away. I am ashamed that I am filled with so much regret that is self-inflicted by my own immature and stubborn mind of too many years.

I am glad we had the time we did get to enjoy each other. I still have Mom from time to time. She wiggles free from the grip of her oppressive thief and I suck up every available moment I can.  Every tiny moment of that time is engraved in my memory and it is wrapped in so many emotions – hopefully even if this thief comes for me, I will fight it long and hard. I hate you Alzheimer Disease! I hate you!!

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Family, Love, Thoughts

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Momma-tude

Momma-tude is the attitude of a Mother.  This Mom attitude is not one to be ashamed of but rather one to be admired. But, what exactly is a Mother’s attitude? It’s part of her personality. It makes her who she is. It helps define her in her everyday life. Momma-tude is also a common reaction or feeling amongst a group of Mom’s.  There are many types. Which one are you?

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Which Momma-tude are you?

The Accident waiting to happen Mom

Common phrases:

  1. Please stop crying before you drown in your tears.
  2. Get down from there before you fall off and break your neck.
  3. You know, chewing with your mouth closed prevents lock jaw.
  4. You’re going to end up in the same type of trouble when you get older if you don’t learn from your brother.
  5. Don’t touch it. You don’t know where that’s been.
  6. This place is full of germs.
  7. Talk like that will get you arrested.
  8. Don’t try it…
  9. Foods ready. Come on everyone. It’s time to gain 10 lbs!
  10. That’s not a toy. Put that thing away for the next 20 years!
  11. What were you thinking?
  12. You are going to cause a nose bleed
  13. Just think about how bad that could have been

The Over-Protective Mom

Common phrase:

  1. Oh honey, stop crying before you bust a blood vessel.
  2. (Catches mischievous toddler immediately as he begins to fall off counter.) How did  you get up there this time? One day you’re going to kill yourself.
  3. You will choke if  you chew with your mouth open.
  4. I need you to go to your room for your own safety.
  5. Ew, do you know how many bacteria is on the bottom of those feet?
  6. You don’t know who touched that before you.
  7. I know you didn’t just say what I thought you said.
  8. That’ll kill you…
  9. Eat. You need your strength
  10. That’s not to touch.
  11. You obviously weren’t thinking
  12. (Finger in nose) EW! *Squirts hand sanitizer on her hands first, then child’s.
  13. I’m gonna show you what I mean in a minute

The Sarcastic Mom

Common Phrases:

  1. Is that the loudest you can cry? Give it up.
  2. Climbing on the counter again? How’d that work out for ya last time?
  3. I don’t always need to see what your food looks like when you chew.
  4. Do you think you can raise your brother better than me?
  5. Keep that little footsie to yourself.
  6. Great, now  you probably have staph.
  7. Really? Really!
  8. Go ahead, see what happens…
  9. You don’t like to eat green beans? Well I don’t like to see you pick your nose at the table.
  10. What are you planning on doing with that?
  11. You really thought that would work?
  12. Digging for gold?
  13. I’m going to knock you into next week if you don’t stop

The Emotional Mom

Common phrases:

  1. *Sees baby crying- cries along*.
  2. (See toddler climbing on counter) Quickly swoops baby up and hysterically says, “you could have died!”
  3. I remember when you were first beginning to eat solid food.
  4. I don’t know where I went wrong. (cries)
  5. Don’t you love each other?
  6. When you were a baby, you touched everything.
  7. After everything I’ve done for you, I can’t believe you said that.
  8. P l e a s e   don’t
  9. I made one of everyone’s favorite food!
  10. You are too young to be doing that.
  11. I’m praying for you child.
  12. You are embarrassing me
  13. I can’t take this anymore

The in-yo-face Mom

Common phrases:

  1. Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about!
  2. You’ve been warned. You are not a monkey!
  3. Could you chew any louder?
  4. Do you want to be punished too? No? Then stay out of it!
  5. You think you’re a bully? Try that on me.
  6. Did you see a sign that said Touch Me?
  7. Oh no you didn’t just say that.
  8. I mean it!!
  9. Eat what I cooked or be hungry.
  10. Take your hands out of your pants!
  11. Use your head for something other than a hat rack.
  12. Do you want your friends to call you a booger picker?
  13. Don’t make me jap slap you

The Strict Mom

Common phrases:

  1. (Baby begins to cry) Zip it!
  2. (See Toddler climbing on counter) Time out!
  3. If you can’t chew with your mouth closed, go to our room.
  4. Go to your room. You are both grounded now.
  5. No Wi-Fi. Go to your room.
  6. Stop it.
  7. I heard that!
  8. No.
  9. Let me see  your hands. GO wash them again with Soap this time.
  10. Stop…no really, STOP!
  11. The next time you think of something like that, just don’t.
  12. (Smacks hand of booger picker) No
  13. oh…Oh…OH!! You’ve been warned

The Proper Mom

Common phrases:

  1. It’s okay to cry as long as you wipe each tear independently and before it has been on your cheek more than one minute.
  2. Our feet go on the ground.
  3. We chew with our mouths closed.
  4. Your interference was not requested to discipline your brother.
  5. Keep your hands and feet to yourself.
  6. You look with your eyes, not with your hands.
  7. (Ignores anything child says that she is not proud of)
  8. We mustn’t do that
  9. Sit up straight. Don’t slouch at the table.
  10. I am ignoring what you are doing.
  11. Think before you act.
  12. My child doesn’t do that.
  13. Surely you didn’t just do that

The Extremely Religious Mom

Common phrases:

  1. Lawd help, that baby can feel the spirit!
  2. For Heaven’s sake, please stop climbing. I’m going to pray about this.
  3. Did you pray before you started eating?
  4. Honor your Mother and Father.
  5. Turn the other cheek.
  6. You better be asking for forgiveness if you touched that.
  7. (Shocked) You kiss me with that mouth!
  8. You’ll need to pray about that before you do it
  9. Speak when spoken to.
  10. You are going to go blind.
  11. I pray the Lord will be your conscience.
  12. God sees everything.
  13. I’m praying for you

The Hypochondriac Mom

Common phrases:

  1. (baby crying) Please stop crying before you get another ear infection!
  2. Ahhhhh! You could’ve broken a bone!!
  3. I hope you don’t chip a tooth chewing like that.
  4. It’s not emotional healthy for you to interfere in your brother’s punishment.
  5. Stop. One of you will bruise.
  6. Quick!! Wash your hands!!!!
  7. Great!!! You said it.
  8. Stop before you die
  9. Did you wash your hands?
  10. Go wash your hands!
  11. You didn’t think this through, did you?
  12. Get your finger out of your nose, do you even remember where it’s been?
  13. You could’ve been killed

The Everybody’s Mother

Common phrases:

  1. (crying child) Oh, come here baby…you need a hug.
  2. Get down (said with BIG eyes).
  3. It’s rude to chew with your mouth open. (said with a smile)
  4. Best stay out of it.
  5. I don’t want to see that again.
  6. Did I just see you touch that?
  7. You want to repeat what you just said?
  8. I wouldn’t do that if I were you….
  9. Eat supper with us 🙂 Sit down. Now!
  10. What are you expecting to find down there?
  11. Next time, you may want to think about it before doing it.
  12. Need a tissue?
  13. Not good

The Gentle Mother

Common phrases:

  1. (Child crying) Oh honey, it’s not that bad. I love you!
  2. Gently sweeps child off counter and to the floor- Be careful darling.
  3. Close your mouth to chew sweetheart.
  4. Although it takes a village to raise a child, I am doing just fine.
  5. Hands are for hugging, not for hitting.
  6. Now now, we must not touch.
  7. I’m sure you don’t mean that.
  8. Stop. Please don’t.
  9. I hope you like what I made.
  10. Could you go do that in your room?
  11. Your mind is powerful. Think before you speak or act.
  12. (Hands tissue) Blow your nose.
  13. Oh no. I can’t believe you would do that.

The Frustrated Mother

Common phrases:

  1. You think crying will save you?
  2. (Toddler climbing on counter) Squeezes eyes closed then back open. Hand on hip. Get DOWN.
  3. Ew, close your mouth to chew.  I don’t want to see that!
  4. I don’t need your help parenting your brother!
  5. If you make me get up, it’s going to be 100x worse for you.
  6. Good grief, if you don’t stop touching everything, we are going to get kicked out of here!
  7. Did you just say that?
  8. I’m serious as a heart attack!
  9. You MUST wear pants to the table.
  10. Stop playing with your p*nis
  11. What were you thinking? Oh wait, you weren’t!
  12. Stop eating your boogers!
  13. You are going to wish you never did that

No matter which you identify with the most, you are still a mom and probably under appreciated a bit.  Here’s to all the Mommas out there.

Happy Mother’s Day!!

***Special Thanks to my friends who gave me some of this golden material. I love you, you hot Mommas!

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Family, Love, Smiling, Thoughts

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Apples to Apples

She called me the other day to tell me that she had gone to her first cousin’s nursery.  As I mentioned in a previous article she loves flowers. It’s something that gives her peace, tranquility, and gives her a productive way to pass time. She was really excited about the availability of herbs there. She exclaimed happily, “there’s Rosemary, mint of all kinds, cooking herbs like basil and Sage – bushes and trees. Your heart will be happy when you see everything.”  Before I realized it we had been talking over the phone for over 20 minutes! The best part was that she could hear me. It was a two-way conversation. 🙂 She and I have not had very many two-way conversations in the last couple years. Her hearing has been slowly leaving her for the last 15 years. And over the last couple years it’s been so bad when she calls, she just tells me something, can’t hear my response, then she’ll just hang up when she’s finished talking. 

She’s in her eighties now.  She and I had a very rocky relationship for the first 20-25 years of my life. On my side it was a love/but-don’t-want-to-be-near-you thing from time to time & on her’s it was a love/frustration thing.  I’m quickly approaching my 40th birthday in a few days & maybe this is why I’ve chosen to write about her.  It’s therapy for me. It’s an understanding of who I was as well as who I am now.  I don’t think that 40 is old, but I’ve always thought of it as a halfway point in life. Now that I’m here, I realize how awesome she is and I was never able to see that before.

Edna Hensley

Mom, me and my brother – around 1980

By age 40 she had already lived a very eventful, energetic, entertaining and absolutely amazing life.  She taught herself to play guitar when she was about 10 years old by watching the older gentleman in town play. She was fiercely independent and generally self-taught in just about everything. She had worked on the farm, went out with her sisters, was a waitress at Blue Circle, and sewed at Standard Knitting Mill. She had a couple of short-lived marriages, experienced living independently, and enjoyed attention as an entertainer. She met Dad in a club (he was the entertaining musician of the night) & joined up with his talent to hit the road as an entertainer. She recorded in Nashville and was courted there by some big-time small names.  She used her resources & connections to boost & mold Dad’s career. When she realized some of the contractual deals he had made in the music industry, she took over and became his manager of sorts. She started negotiating his deals.  With her resources, resilience, and intellect they made a lucrative living.

She married  for the rest of her life, for better or for worse, in 1968. She was 33 years old. She had always wanted children but for some reason biologically could not bear any herself. She prayed and she had almost the entire city praying with her – that she would have children. And one day, in 1976, her prayers were answered.

There was a phone call from a lady that they knew on the south side of town. This lady said if you still want a child you can have my youngest, but you have to come and get him right now.  Dad went to pick up the ugliest baby boy in the world, who would become my brother. (If you ever read this dude, you know I love your ugly face.) They had him for several weeks when they received another phone call from another lady. This lady said to them, I’ve heard that you wanted a baby and I’m on my way to the XXXXXX Home for Children with both of mine. To make a long story short, this is where I come into the picture.  There’s an argument over whether I was two-and-a-half or three months old at the time, regardless I was a baby. I was a pretty sick baby, so she leaned toward my experienced Aunt Evlou to help for the first few nights.

At 40 years old she adopted my brother and I. At a point in her life when other people would be considering retirement, taking it easy, trying to finalize how they want to enjoy the empty nest years, she became a parent. I never gave it much thought in previous years, but now that I am approaching that very same age I realize what a heroic feat that was!

At this point in my life, I am very close to the empty nest years. I cannot image chasing a little one around and changing diapers at this age! Most of mine have moved away and I only have one teenager left at home (on a daily basis) – who will leave me soon I’m sure. I am considering the future, and how I would love to retire one day. I’m dreaming about buying an RV and traveling, or purchasing the boat my husband wants and sailing up & down the coast for a few years. I’m considering how I want to rearrange the rooms in the house and could create an office and workout/hobby room in those empty spaces. My Mom was considering how to convert a music studio into a nursery and buying formula, diapers, while seeking parental advice. I wake up in the middle of the night to text messages asking me for gas money; she woke up in the middle of the night to check on two infants breathing.

To be continued…

 

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Adventures, Family, Love, Smiling, Thoughts

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I’m not like her, am I?

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Noticing the changes that occur in all of us as we grow older is chilling. It’s a reminder that this life is not forever. It can also give a subtle reminder to enjoy each day as though it were our last.

My mother was always very happy while she was working in her flowers. My grand mother was the same. I also very much enjoy all the time I get to spend outdoors and my flowers make me happy too. Isn’t it funny how we become so much like those who raised us? Some say that they are nothing like their parental figures, but if taking an honest look, we all become like them in some ways.

There was a day when I would cringe and possibly fight someone if they said, “You sound like your mother.” I was very young then. I have a birthday fast approaching and will be nearing the mid-point in my life. These years, especially the last 4-5,  have been my pinnacle period where I have been happy, satisfied, loved, content and enjoying the day-to-day. I have also come to understand my mother in ways that I never thought possible. So now that I can see her with different eyes, I feel it a compliment if someone compares us.

Here she and dad are a few months before they adopted my brother and I

Here she and dad are a few months before they adopted my brother and I

 

 

There are stories that aren’t appropriate to hear when you are young that fall on your ears as you mature. Your parents had a life before you. Their personalities and previous life experiences might impress you if you take time to listen.

My mother was a beautiful young lady that turned heads everywhere she went. She had an appeal about her that attracted many people. She was also very forthright and spoke her mind. She was called blunt, uncaring, hard, and mean. She was a savvy business woman that knew what she wanted; this drive and desire overflowed into all she touched. She was obsessed with continued learning and was enthralled by conversion with someone well educated. She was firm yet loving and she was stern yet compassionate. She had some less desirable traits as well, but don’t we all?

The thing I admired her most for was taking me in. She was 40 years old that year, in 1976. I was just a few months old.

To be continued….

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