As I sat drinking my beloved coffee this morning, I rummaged through a year’s worth of pictures so the before/after photographs could be posted of the house. I am downright excited to publish a post of gratitude and rightfully thank everyone that has blessed our family over the last year.
As I was reviewing the first 1,000 photos or so, I was flat-out excited! Creating a folder to move the photos into and ensuring they were in the right order was not bothersome at this point. After an hour had passed, I had successfully completed my first pot of coffee. I was amazed that I took so many pictures & had parsed through several thousand at this point. Going into my third hour, I was mentally exhausted. I was becoming frustrated at myself for taking so many pictures of everything under the sun. I questioned myself even, “why did I snap that?” “Did I think that was funny, cool, or that I’d never see it again?” “What is that?” I caught myself being upset with myself for clogging up my computer with pictures of random stuff when it hit me.
It is defined by: Wow, I’ve had a great year! I’m not including the boys or their feelings in this either. They may see the last year in a different way. Since they have become strange creatures others call teenagers, I can no longer speak for their feelings really. Would you allow me, gentle reader, to share this with you?
Please do not think me boasting or giving gratitude to anyone other than God! I have honestly had a great year of healing without even noticing I was. I mean, I’ve noticed sort of, but I took each day and placed it in its own little boxed adventure and hadn’t lined all the boxes up together to see the whole picture.
Over the last year: I went from thinking I was moving on with my life and realizing I hadn’t moved an inch
– to mourning the loss of my husband again
– to recovering from a nasty concussion (PCS)
– to beginning the heart wrenching work on the house
– to moving away from home
– to leaving state several times and seeing new places
– to meeting new people
– to realizing I had fallen in love again
– to watching the boys grow closer to each other and healing (PTSD & grief)
– to taking our first ever family vacation
– to learning a new trade (kind of)
– to definitely learning new skills
– to learning to open up and share myself with someone again
– to renewing my faith
– to really learning forgiveness (PTSD)
– to letting go of the anger (PTSD & grief)
– to helping a few friends along the way
– to meeting some cool people in other countries (you know who you are…Paul)
– to being a Mom again instead of working too many hours each week
– to bringing another child into our family
– to finally agreeing to “let it go” and just be.
And I documented all of this through my pictures. There are thousands of magical pictures with time stamps and GPS locations to remind me just how far I have come and how unquestionably blessed I have been and still am.
I am happy that I was side tracked while trying to locate all the photos of the house for you. I apologize that you must continue to wait too, cause I’m only good for one post per day per blog.
π May God bless you
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