This Mother’s Day I really want to warn everyone about a thief running rapidly through families and obviously never satisfied with its heist. One that cannot be caught or stopped. It snuck in so slowly, none of us noticed. It was hidden in the normal aging process and we didn’t see it. Shrouded in forgetfulness of the ordinary and cloaked by the everyday stresses that we thought clogged her mind. The Alzheimer’s thief is slick, it’ll slide right by you and you don’t even see it coming. Its cruel and unforgiving nature robs many special moments from the mind of the great. It’s been around for a very long time, taking as it pleases and never giving back.
It reduces the great person that was and steals their thoughts. There is no sheriff to run it out of town nor warrant for its arrest. There is no way to stop it! It catches its victims off guard and like a parasite, leaches onto them and won’t let go. It wraps its crusty hands around the mind of the unknowing gently at first – so it’s not noticeable. Then over time, it tightens its grip until it has its grubby fingers in every crack and crevasse available.
An abomination… this disease is not satisfied with just daily forgetfulness. Oh no, it is the epitome of selfishness. It wants all memory, not just the daily or in-the-moment ones. It snatches them all until it has taken even the oldest and most dear. It steals what we hold close to our hearts and leaves a breadcrumb of who the person once was.
I hate it.
I took my mother for granite for almost 30 years before suddenly, I understood her. We were finally able to share with each other and have conversations without argument. My heart gushed over with love for her and I began to confide in her more. I began to trust her a way I never could as a child. I finally understood her love for me and the reasons behind many of the things that she did. I had to have children myself before I truly appreciated her and then suddenly – she is leaving me? The horrible, selfish, hateful, nasty, unnecessary and under imagined disease it stealing my Momma and I feel like I just met her a few short years ago.
It’s not fair, but then….when is life fair? I spent too much time wasted, not understanding her in this life. I have violated my personal life motto: Everyday is an adventure. Embrace it. I waited too long to embrace her and now she is leaving me…she is leaving daddy…she is leaving us all 🙁 The last week I have spent in tears while my husband is away. I am ashamed that I am filled with so much regret that is self-inflicted by my own immature and stubborn mind of too many years.
I am glad we had the time we did get to enjoy each other. I still have Mom from time to time. She wiggles free from the grip of her oppressive thief and I suck up every available moment I can. Every tiny moment of that time is engraved in my memory and it is wrapped in so many emotions – hopefully even if this thief comes for me, I will fight it long and hard. I hate you Alzheimer Disease! I hate you!!
I watched my mom lose my dad to that insidious disease. Not once, but twice. The loss of a lifelong partner as their minds slowly fade away, followed by the loss when they finally die. It is one of the cruelest things I have ever seen.
But, in my case, I hated my dad with a vengeance. His passing was a nothing to me, until I realised the why of that hatred. It had been from what I had felt as a child, from him, of a rejection of who I was. So I built this emotional wall to the world to stop that pain. But when I discovered this it was too late, he had passed away, and I only had myself to console my fears with.
You my dear friend did have a little solace in finding that love. Hold it, appreciate it, for it is a discovery like no other. To see that love within their eyes, and even embrace them in the now, is a blessing indeed.
May you both embrace that love and ‘know’ it, even if but for a while <3 🙂
Thank you Mark. Your comment brought tears to my eyes.
Jesus’ forgiveness is for everything for all time, no more guilt for us his children. ☺
Losing your mum is a way up there in hard things to face.
Sadly we live in a fallen world, but Jesus is on this painful path with you, lean on him, stay strong in your Faith resisting any fear.
In the old days, lol, I’m old, we had a saying, don’t look for trouble, the Bible says, sufficient for this day is the evil thereof.
We can overcome anything trusting Jesus, I cannot imagine how non Christians cope in tradgedies.
You writing shows a strong lady, you can do this with God’s help.
Tears Prayers and Hugs.
God Bless, Nanny, in New Zealand.
Such a sad disease. Beautifully written by a loving child.